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Do you speak
Jackal or Giraffe?
Designing
Sustainable
Relationships
Whitney Hess whitney@whitneyhess.com whitneyhess.com @whitneyhess
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
My boss hates everything I do
ﬔey won’t let me do it the right way
She never listens
He gets in my way
He derails every meeting 
He doesn’t take me seriously 
She’s a slacker
I don’t get any credit 
ﬔey don’t respect my authority 
I always get shot down 
She doesn’t have what it takes
I am stuck
I can’t do anything right
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Environmental
EconomicSocial
ViableBearable
Equitable
SUSTAINABLE
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Social sustainability is…
the ability of a social system,
such as an organization, 

to function at a defined level of
social wellbeing indefinitely
thwink.org
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Social sustainability is…
“a process for creating
sustainable, successful places
that promote wellbeing, by
understanding what people need
from the places they live & work”
social-life.co
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Understanding what
people feel and need
=
empathy
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Understanding what
people feel and need
=
empathy
including
ourselves
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Empathy Practices
User Research
Usability Testing
Empathy Mapping
Simulators
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
“Our world offers abundant resources for
meeting needs: When human beings are
committed to valuing everyone’s needs and
have regained their skills for fostering
connection and their creativity about
sharing resources, we can overcome our
current crisis of imagination and find ways
to attend to everyone’s basic needs.”
baynvc.org
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do
ﬔey won’t let me do it the right way
She never listens
He gets in my way
He derails every meeting 
He doesn’t take me seriously 
She’s a slacker
I don’t get any credit 
ﬔey don’t respect my authority 
I always get shot down 
She doesn’t have what it takes
I am stuck
I can’t do anything right
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do
ﬔey won’t let me do it the right way
She never listens
He gets in my way
He derails every meeting 
He doesn’t take me seriously 
She’s a slacker
I don’t get any credit 
ﬔey don’t respect my authority 
I always get shot down 
She doesn’t have what it takes
I am stuck
I can’t do anything right
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do My boss gives me lots of feedback

on my work
My boss asks me lots of questions
about my work
My boss requests many iterations and
alternate solutions
My boss attends every meeting
I frequently solicit feedback from my
boss and my colleagues
I receive feedback even when I didn’t
ask for it
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do My boss gives me lots of feedback

on my work
My boss asks me lots of questions
about my work
My boss requests many iterations and
alternate solutions
My boss attends every meeting
I frequently solicit feedback from my
boss and my colleagues
I receive feedback even when I didn’t
ask for it
OBSERVATIONS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel…
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
FEELINGS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
Because I value direction, learning and
growth, but I also need ___________
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
Because I value direction, learning and
growth, but I also need trust, support,
space, ___________
NEEDS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
Because I value direction, learning and
growth, but I also need trust, support,
space, ___________
I guess my boss feels _____________
FEELINGS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
Because I value direction, learning and
growth, but I also need trust, support,
space, ___________
I guess my boss feels _____________
Because she needs _____________
NEEDS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
Because I value direction, learning and
growth, but I also need trust, support,
space, ___________
I guess my boss feels _____________
Because she needs _____________
How can I tell her how much I value her
________ and ________, but also need
trust, space and ________?
What are other ways to share feedback
that would meet her needs and mine?
REQUESTS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
Self-Empathy
Empathy for Others
Honest Self-Expression
Self-Criticism
Judgment of Others
Blame and Shame
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
My boss hates everything I do
ﬔey won’t let me do it the right way
She never listens
He gets in my way
He derails every meeting 
He doesn’t take me seriously 
She’s a slacker
I don’t get any credit 
ﬔey don’t respect my authority 
I always get shot down 
She doesn’t have what it takes
I am stuck
I can’t do anything right
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
He derails every meeting He speaks at length in every meeting
He introduces topics that aren’t on the
meeting agenda
Other people participate less when he
is in the room
We don’t agree to decisions before the
end of the meeting
He asks questions about decisions
that have already been made
He challenges others
He changes his mind often
OBSERVATIONS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
He derails every meeting When he asks questions about
decisions that have already been made,
I feel _______, __________, _________
FEELINGS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
He derails every meeting When he asks questions about
decisions that have already been made,
I feel _______, __________, _________
Because I value ________, but I also
need _______, _________, _________
NEEDS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
He derails every meeting When he asks questions about
decisions that have already been made,
I feel _______, __________, _________
Because I value ________, but I also
need _______, _________, _________
I guess he feels _____________
FEELINGS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
He derails every meeting When he asks questions about
decisions that have already been made,
I feel _______, __________, _________
Because I value ________, but I also
need _______, _________, _________
I guess he feels _____________
Because he needs ____________
NEEDS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
He derails every meeting When he asks questions about
decisions that have already been made,
I feel _______, __________, _________
Because I value ________, but I also
need _______, _________, _________
I guess he feels _____________
Because he needs ____________
How can I tell him how much I value his
________ and ________, but also need
_______ and ________?
What are other ways to have him
involved that meet his needs and mine?
REQUESTS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
Self-Empathy
Empathy for Others
Honest Self-Expression
Self-Criticism
Judgment of Others
Blame and Shame
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Nonviolent Communication
• All actions are attempts
to meet needs
• All needs are universal
• All feelings point to needs
being met or unmet
• All conflicts are over
strategies, not needs
Assumptions Intentions
• Separate observations
from judgments
• Care equally for
everyone’s needs
• Practice self-empathy
• Commit to honest self-
expression
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Today’s decisions
will impact
tomorrow’s
possibilities
ﬔank you!
Whitney Hess
@whitneyhess
whitneyhess.com
whitney@whitneyhess.com
Slides and handouts at 

whitneyhess.com/sustainable/

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Do You Speak Jackal or Giraffe? Designing Sustainable Relationships