1. When People Flee In The Middle of the Night
For many years, Zach and Lacy were best friends. They enjoyed talking to each other and loved each
other. Everything seemed to go great and nothing separated them from each other. Then one day in
2009, Zach tried to call Lacy and he didn’t get any responses. Zach noticed Lacy normally talking to
her friends as usual. Then hours later, he noticed Lacy delete Zach from her Facebook. Zach then
talked to her to see what happened, no response. Everything seemed fine up to that point. He didn’t see
this coming. Zach was devastated. He didn’t understand why she would just leave him like that without
talking about any issues they have had. Zach remained confused, trying to figure everything out.
Situations like this happen all the time. The reason for it is because people operate in secrecy, and they
do things secretly because:
1. They do not want to deal with the situation
Many people just delete someone without talking to them about it because they refuse to deal with the
situation. They just want to move on past it. Either they are too scared to deal with the issue or they
just do not care about dealing with the situation. In most cases, the latter is true.
2. They secretly had issues with you
Many people do not realize some of their friends have issues with them on the inside. People tend to
hide certain issues from you because they do not want to deal with certain issues. I can relate to this
since I can have certain issues with people and they never know I did and they probably wondered why
I did not want to talk to them much. There is power in secrecy and I have seen people do it. People just
don’t tell everyone, they just hold it in secret. It is why people get away with lying all the time. They
can secretly hide things from you and tell you what you want to hear, and get you in the end for it. You
never know if they have issues with you until they delete you or drop you. It is why if you have noticed
people backing away from you, maybe it’s a sign they had an issue with you. Instead of talking to you
about it, they just distance themselves from you. It’s the opposite of trust.
3. They do not consider the relationship valuable enough to deal with it with them
This happened to me recently. One girl blocked me from Instagram because I was liking and
commenting and being too much and I did not mean to be so. Me and her are fine now, its just that
instead of talking to me about it, she just blocked me. I now had to back away from her because she
just did not seem to trust me much. It is an issue with trust. A lot of people just delete you instead of
talking to you about it because the relationships aren’t valuable enough. They had too many issues
with you so it’s like “what the heck”, I rather just delete the person.
4. Politeness.
People mainly just do not tell you just to not hurt your feelings. That is why they do not tell you the
truth that they just do not like you much anymore. It is why people just walk away from you without
telling you. They just want to do the polite thing to do. It is why people back away from you because
they do not want to tell you that you STINK! LOLS. People just do not say anything because of issues
it may cause. That is why people back away from you, delete you because they just do not want to deal
with the issue.
5. Recent Heart Change, True Self Comes Out
The main reason people do a 180 on you and change is because their true colors get revealed. The lies
get revealed and you realized this person was being sleezy. It could also mean their heart changed all
of a sudden. It happens. Some people just start distancing themselves and being different to you
because they recently changed on you. Its awesome when people go up, but when people downsize on

2. you, its no fun. I remember I had an internet friend in 2007-08 who me and her were great, but then in
2008, she told me to give her space, and told me also that she just did not know me at all. She went
from talking to me, to not knowing me. What was weird is that she told me it was okay for me to talk
to her on the phone and on the internet and she turned around and said I was harassing her. This
happens quite frequently so you need to be careful and on your guard. Changes like this happen all the
time and there is very little anyone can do about it. Things can be going just well and then all of a
sudden, they back away from you, because their true self came out. Its not that they did a 180 at times,
it is just that their true colors came out. Maybe the internet friend did not really know me and she was
being deceiving. People can be treacherous and deceiving so be very careful when dealing with people.
6. Just have issues going on
Maybe something is going on in their lives and they need their space. Just let them be and let God
handle it. They probably have not changed on you. One of my friends acted very hostile for an entire
semester, but it was mainly because she had a lot of work to do and she needed space. I gave it to her.
7. Acting Independent of You
In relationships, we do things to keep the bond flowing, but many people will [start to] act independent
of you because of issues they have with you, and they just do not want to talk to you about it. It is why
they change on you all of a sudden and if they had an issue, instead of going to you about it, they just
keep it to themselves and back away from you. The beginning signs of deterioration according to
Knapp starts with differentiation, when you start to notice whats different and pull apart, and then you
circumscribe, or start to do things independent, and set more boundaries, and then you stagnate, and
communication becomes less frequent, and then you start avoiding each other until the relationship
ends. This is how relationships deteriorate. You will start notice people start acting independent of you
by talking to you less, and not being the same. People change because they just do not want the status
quo anymore, they want different so since they do have the right to change on you, they will.
How do I prevent this from happening?
Truth is, one cannot control someone else’s actions or else they would not be a good friend.
Manipulation takes you nowhere. You can tell people to trust you, but they just do not have to. You
cannot control people from leaving, and neither can you tell others what to do. People will be people
and you will have plenty of friends who just back away from you for no reason. You wonder why they
did. But the best thing you can do is be yourself and continue to love people. When people drift on you
without warning and when people stop talking to you, just give it over to God. Maybe something you
said bothered them and you did not mean to do anything to them. Now some people leave for various
reasons known but I am mainly talking about those who drift because of uknown reasons. Do not
worry about those. If you feel like you did something, just apologize to the person and move on. I had
to do that this week.
You cannot prevent people from deleting you off of Facebook for no warning, nor can you present a
code of conduct for your friends. But let your friends know that if there is a problem, they can talk to
you about it. Many times, people use the politeness principle because they just do not know how to talk
to you about it. Just continue to do these four things:
1. Be Yourself
Do not try to be someone else or go outside of your circle so people will not leave you. Just be yourself
and be strong.

3. 2. Love Others
Love, respect and value others. Care for others and do not try to cause them harm. 1 Peter 2:14-17
3. Be Confident in Christ
Be strong in the LORD and in the power of his might. Let him take care of your needs. Ephesians
6:10-18
4. Be Trustworthy
Always be a trustworthy person. Do not break confidences. Show people that you can be trusted.
Do not let people get you fearful of others because they can leave without warning. Just let go and let
God deal with situations because you cannot make people do anything. You can message someone
about it, but they do not have to forgive you or rebuild trust. The truth is, just be trustworthy, love
others, be interested in others, and you will not have to worry about people deleting you. You cannot
control others so you can have a great relationship, just let it flow. You’ll find the right friends and the
right girlfriend. The philosophy I use is, if people want to be my friends and talk to me, great, if they
don’t, great. My AP Economics teacher in High School used his philosophy, “You can work or not
work in my class if you want, but I will still receive my paycheck no matter if you pass or fail. Its up to
you on if you want to get an A, B, C or F in my class.” Instead of being controlling, just let people
come in and out of your life as they please. Let people do what they will. As long as people care about
you, like you and trust you, then go ahead. You want people to do well in your class, you want others
to like you and trust you, but you have to show them they can like you and trust you, and show them
they can do well in your class. My AP Econ teacher did all he could to help us succeed, as long as we
put forth effort and asked him for help. This is how God is. He wants us to succeed and he wants a
relationship with us, but it is our responsibility if we want to keep the relationship and succeed in life.
God rewards our faith in him. That’s how it works with people, and with students. We cannot make
them succeed and we cannot make them continue to like us and trust us, but as long as we are
ourselves, love others, be confident in Christ and be trustworthy, God will take care of the rest. We
will make mistakes, and if people want to leave us because of it, let them. But continue to be
trustworthy and love others. We cannot push, but all we can do is pull, so people can be who they are.
We can influence people, we just cannot manipulate others or control others. A teacher influences her
students to learn because she teaches them great principles to live by and makes class suitable for
them.
What to do if people walk away?
Situations like these can be super hard to deal with so if people walk away, do not bother them. Just let
them go. They may come back. If people walk away from you, do not chase after them, just let them
be. Then maybe later, you can apologize to them if you did anything. Maybe they left because they just
did not see you as a friend anymore. Just let them go.
How should I recover from this type of rejection?
Just give all your ashes to God and he will give you beauty for ashes. Just stand strong, and continue to
fight the good fight of faith. Do not shrink back, but keep on moving forward in God and let him heal
you. I know it’s hard, and anger is a natural response because you feel mistreated, but you need to
stand strong, and learn from your mistakes and move on. Let God’s love overflow you so he can heal
you.
How do I move forward?

4. Just recognize that person wants to exit your story and is not a true friend in your life. This person
refuses to be there for you so move forward and focus on the ones that will. Just keep growing up in
Christ and let him love on you. Since people refuse to have a relationship with you, just let them go.
Remember Zach and Lacy?
Well long story short, Lacy stopped talking to Zach because she noticed Zach was talking different on
Facebook. She did not like what she saw, so she just blew him off. Zach realized Lacy did not want to
accept Zach for who he was so Zach just realized she wasn’t for him anymore. Since people rejected
you, or backed away from you, or did a 360 on you, its not worth having them in your life so don’t
focus on them too much. Just be you and move on.