1. Many people want good friends and they want people to like them and care about them. They see
others having friends, but they cannot seem to get many. The Bible makes it clear to treat others
as we want to be treated (Luke 6:31). This even hangs the law and the prophets of the Old
Testament (Matthew 7:12). So all the law of the old testament is found in that verse! If we are
going to make friends, it is not enough to just bring yourself, but it is important to learn how to
treat others with the same love God gives us. Since we love God with everything we have, we
are to learn to love others as ourselves. Many people cannot seem to do that because they do not
know God's love or they are out of God's love (God never stopped loving them). When we know
and grow in God's love, the more we can love others. It is the only way we can love others (not
through man made rules wither). So what tips can I give based on Matthew 7:12 that can help
people have solid relationships. Note that these will not promise that everyone will like you or
that certain person, persons or group will be friends with you, but this will give you sustained
success on building relationships. Note that we are all in this together. I do not claim to have this
all mastered. I am a work in progress like everyone else.
1. Learn to take care of yourself before you try to be friends with others.
No, this is not saying be lovers of ourselves. Pride is a sin and we are to walk in humility.
However, we cannot love others unless we learn to love God with our lives. Since birth, people
are trained by their parents to take care of themselves and be confident. They give them the
proper manners, skills and etiquette to having good relationships. They teach them how to groom
themselves, take good care of themselves. This is how God, our good shepherd is with us. Many
pastors and leaders today are telling us to "die to ourselves" and just serve God and others. While
this is true, we cannot serve God and others if we do not love God with everything. It is a daily
surrender to God. It is dying to our old self and putting on the new self (Ephesians 4:22-24).
When we surrender to God's will for our lives, he will teach us the basics that our parents failed
to teach us or that we failed to learn from our parents. God is our father and he will build
confidence, skills and etiquette (even if you have asperger's or any mental illness) in you. He will
teach you through his spirit on how to love others and how to be confident in him. Through faith
in him, you can have solid relationships with him and others (Prov 3:3-6). Your social anxieties
will disappear. Some people claim I am teaching people to be the best "them" they can be. Well,
God created us to rule and reign in life through him and through Christ, we can be successful and
when we humble ourselves, he will lift us up (James 4:10, 1 Peter 5:6, Proverbs 18:12). The
more mature you are, the better of a friend you will be.
2. Do not sit on the sidelines. Put yourself in the action.

2. Many People expect friends to come to them and they have no idea on where to start. They may
have been burned so many times or faced many rejection. People may have discouraged them
from making friends or talking. But I just want to encourage you to get in the action and talk to
people. Interact with others, mingle, and listen to others while they listen to you. Have no
expectations and just go with the flow. Do not think about it so much. Just interact with others
and be a friend to others, treating others how you want to be treated. Do it because it is the right
thing to do. The more you love others, the more some people will be drawn to you.
3. Show Deferrence to One Another
Ephesians 5:21 says submit to one another in the fear of God. We do it not to revere them, but to
revere God. This includes authority (Romans 13). We are to show honor and respect to one
another, regardless of our social standing with them. Hard to hear but it is the truth. 1 Peter 2:17
says to honor all men, love the bretheren, fear God, honor the king. We are to honor everyone
and show agape love to everyone (look it up in the greek NT, it is translated agape every time it
says to love everyone). When we show dishonor and disrespect to them, people are not going to
show respect to us (Matthew 7:2). When we communicate with others, we are to show others the
grace of God (Colossians 4:6) and treat them with value since God sees them as valuable.
4. Be a Giver, Not a Taker
This is where many people do not be friends with others. Takers always take and subtract and
they never care about the relationship. Many of these people are often users and abusers. They
often mooch and leech off of people and many people do not realize they are doing it. Invest in
people's lives by being there for them and caring about them. Offer to pay their gas money, or do
something for them. Always listen...listen...listen. Do not be the one doing the talking. Be
considerate of them.
5. Watch Your Tongue
This is also where manyI people lose friends. They are often critical (do not love God as they
should) and they judge and condemn others. They may even talk behind people's backs and
gossip about their friends or people they are not friends with. Sure, phileo love is important, but
we are to show agape love to everyone and when we slander or speak evil of someone, we are
going against God. Friendship is based on intimacy and trust and if you want close friends, you
have to love them and not harm them with your speech. Let your speech be with grace to all men
(Colossians 4:6). Remember, your tongue guides your life. 1 Peter 3:10 says if you want to see

3. good days, keep your tongue from evil. God has convicted me of this many times and I am
learning how to control my tongue and speak the best of everyone.
6. See People Through the eyes of Grace
It is easy to look down on others who seem inferior to us. Maybe they have a lot of problems,
dress a certain way or have habitual sin in certain areas. It is easy to judge them in order to feel
good. Proverbs 18 says gossip is like choice morsels, they go down into the innermost parts. It
feels good to beat people up, but it comes with a price. Since Jesus died for us, we are to see
others the way God sees them and help them thrive in Christ. We are not to badmouth others
because of what they have done. We are to pray for them. In order to see people the way God
sees them, you have to know how God sees you and that takes spending time in his word. Learn
to treat others how we want them to treat us.
7. Do not make it all about you
Many people feel accepted and included in a group of friends and automatically think they are on
cloud 9. It becomes about them instead of about God. Pride always leads before a fall so we need
to understand that our friends do not complete us, God does. And sometimes when we go into
social gatherings we tend to want to be the life of the party and talk about ourselves. The more
we talk about ourselves and serve ourselves, it shows we love ourselves more than God and
others. The Bible says we are to say no to our flesh (Almighty "I") and yes to our spirit
(Galatians 5:16-25). We are to walk in the spirit, trusting God and allowing him to help us love
others. When it is about us, we cannot love others and we allow satan to cause trouble in our
lives. We are to go into relationships with the attitude, "How do I serve?", "How can I make your
life better?" instead of "Whats in it for me?". What about my needs? God will take care of them.
Just focus on meeting others needs and caring about others because God loves you. Jesus is our
example so we are to walk the way he did and he is helping us do that. We just have to follow
the Holy Spirit and allow him to govern our lives. If you are desperate for friends, do not make it
an idol, pursue Jesus and friends will come (Matthew 6:33).
8. Forgive One Another/Make Allowances for Peoples Faults
Many friendships can be restored and kept if we learn not to hold grudges and bring up the past
all the time. Proverbs 17:9 says repeating a matter separates close friends. It is dangerous to hold
a grudge against people because it hinders our relationship with God (Mark 11:26). Since Christ
loves us despite our faults, we are to do the same for others. Not easy I know but we need to
understand that everyone has issues, and we are to make allowances for them if we are going to
have good relationships. No one will be perfect or good enough. If you want friends or even a
spouse, get ready for problems. They will happen. Learn to make allowances for them.

4. 9. Be Patient with everyone
This is an issue I have as well as many people I come in contact with. Being patient is not just
waiting, but not being frustrated when people do not do what they want, or when they do not
behave right, or if this person can just get over this problem. The issue is not them, its you. If we
can just release control and allow God to do his work, we can be patient knowing God is in
control.
10. Believe the best for everyone.
When love is perfected in us, we can believe the best for the filthiest, rotten sinner without
slandering him or putting him down. We can help those who cannot help themselves and we can
serve others with the gospel of Christ. Christians need to be a friend to others, but not be friends
with everyone. We do not have to mentor everyone, but we are to always believe the best for
everyone. Not just friends and above, everyone.
11. Respect People's Wishes
This can be one of the hardest ones. If someone does not want to be our friend, hang out with us,
then we need to respect that and wish them the best. Sometimes our will can get in the way of
God's and their's and no matter how we feel, or what we desire, we need to respect their decision.
They may not want to be your friend, or hang out with you and phileo (love) you. They may not
want to date you anymore, but show deference by respecting their wishes. Someone may come
along and want to date you or be friends with you. Just let it happen. Release your desires to God
and he will make it up to you.
12. Not My Will, But Gods.
Sometimes, it is easy to usurp God's role in a person's life and want to run their lives. We want to
be in control to the point where they HAVE to stay or they HAVE to love us, or HAVE to like
us. They HAVE to follow me and do what I say so they can be better. But we do not run their
lives or make decisions for them. That is up to God and them. We are to encourage them and
exhort them to do better and leave the rest up to God. If people do not want to be friends, or date
us, then let it go and move on.
13. Do not be so serious and down, enjoy your life

5. People tend to associate with others that add to their lives. If one is always down or has a sad
song, they will drain the life out of you. It is not our job to make someone happy, it is between
them and God. God wants us to focus on him and eternal things and enjoy life and not be so
anxious, angry and serious about things. It is so true that with much knowledge means much
sorrow. This does not mean you have to be an airhead, we have to relax and see what God
created us and enjoy life. Listen to some good music, watch some godly shows and movies, and
enjoy being around others. Smile and do not let the enemy steal your joy and peace. Trust in the
Lord, for he is an everlasting rock.
14. Hang around people that help you be like Christ
Iron sharpens iron so a man sharpens a friend (Prov 27:17). Who you hang out with determines
you. Be careful who you hang out with and learn to serve them with love. This does not mean we
can do this to put down those outside of our inner circle. Only be friends with people that help
you thrive in Christ and motivate you to do good. Do not hang around people who make life
miserable. You only have one life, so choose the friends that will help you thrive in Christ. There
is no "in crowd". Everyone has their crowd. Choose to be friends with people and for the rest,
love them the same, but with less depth.
15. Respect the Weak
1 Corinthians 8 and Romans 14 exhorts us to not cause a brother to stumble. If we go to a bar to
get a drink and someone is weak when it comes to drinking, then we do not drink in front of
them. If someone is weak in their faith, we do not talk about how people can go to hell. It is out
of respect for them. If someone feels that pokemon cards are the devils cards, we do not play
cards. We do not want to violate someone's conscience. God tells us not to do it.
16. Show Empathy...Be Understanding
This is huge and how we attract people. We have to analyze our audience and put ourselves in
their shoes so we can love and reach them. When we communicate, we do it by connecting with
others in order to reach them. We make it about them and not just us. We take them into
consideration so we can identify with them and reach them. Many people with asperger's
struggle with this which is why they have trouble making friends. They just cannot seem to
understand others instead of judge them. God wants us to understand them so they can feel safe
and secure. When people understand us, we feel safe and secure in them.
17. Lastly, Show Compassion, Not Revenge.

6. So many people will only love others if they love them. But God wants us to love others, even if
they do not love us. Even if they hurt us, we are to love them, forgive them, believe the best, be
patient. We are not to be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. The reason people are
evil is not them, its the enemy behind them. Do not get upset at them, stay angry at the devil.
Ephesians 4:26 encourages us to stay angry at the devil (do not let the sun go down on wrath).
God never encourages us to be wrathful towards others (Eph 4:31-32), he encourages us to be
angry at the devil and love others. The greatest form of spiritual warfare is loving others in spite
of everything. If you are holding bitterness, wrath and hard hearts, learn to love them and believe
the best for them. Revenge just exacerbates the situation, rather than helps. We all have a need
for justice which is why we hang people for murder. But even though the consequences need to
be enforced, we are to love them and show mercy to them. Do not let people get to you, instead,
show love to them and enforce the victory in Christ. Do not allow the enemy any foothold (Eph
4:27). Offense is the biggest foothold and it creates division. All we need to do is release the pain
and hurt and learn to love others. God will fight for us if we allow him to take the matter into his
hands.
These are not exhaustive but will help you make good relationships. Not everyone will be your
friend but when you be a friend to others, you can expect some people to be friends with you.
Learn to love others in order to honor God. Remember, it all comes down to the grace of God.
Remember what Jesus did for you.