1. Marianne
Sourial
2011

2. The Book!
• Based
on
The
Five
Love
Languages
by
Gary
Chapman.
• NY
Times
Best
Seller,
5
million
copies
sold.
Marianne
Sourial
2011

3. Quiz Time!
• Answer
‘yes’
or
‘no’
to
the
following
quesKons.
• Turn
over
your
sheet-­‐
stay
tuned!
Marianne
Sourial
2011

4. Why is love so important?!
• Psychologists
conclude
that
the
need
to
feel
loved
is
a
the
primary
emoKonal
need
in
all
human
beings.
• For
love,
people
will
climb
mountains,
cross
seas,
traverse
desert
lands
and
endure
total
hardship.
For
love
people
even
give
their
lives!
• There
is
no
one
on
the
planet
devoid
of
this
need.
• The
need
for
love
meets
our
need
to
feel
wanted,
and
to
feel
like
we
belong.
At
the
heart
of
mankind's
existence
is
the
desire
to
be
inKmate
and
be
loved
by
another.
• IsolaKon
is
devastaKng
to
the
human
psyche
(solitary
confinement).
• Christ
wanted
love
to
be
the
disKnguishing
characterisKc
of
His
followers.
• Even
St.
Paul
exalted
love
when
he
indicated
that
any
accomplishments
that
are
void
of
love
are
in
the
end
empty
(1
Cor
13:13)
• Most
religions
are
about
love.
Marianne
Sourial
2011

5. What is the love tank?!
• heory is that inside each child is
T
an “emotional love tank”.
• his tank is waiting to be filled
T
with love.
• t follows into adulthood.
I
• here are many ways to fill the
T
love tank (God, spouse, family,
friends).
• elationships and marriage are
R
one of the ways to meet our adult
need for love and intimacy.
• o what are we running on? Full,
S
empty or somewhere in between?
• ow loved do you feel?
H
Marianne
Sourial
2011

6. We fall in love!
• And
it
will
be
forever,
right?
• Remember
that
euphoria
you
felt
when
you
first
met
your
spouse?
You
went
to
sleep
thinking
of
each
other,
they
were
the
first
thing
on
your
mind
in
the
morning.
You
would
day
dream
about
them
all
day.
You
loved
holding
hands.
You
dreamed
of
marriage
and
bliss.
You
were
going
to
make
each
other
supremely
happy!
Remember?
• It
actually
was
a
physical
feeling
too-­‐
excitement.
• We
know
intellectually
we
will
have
differences,
but
we
are
certain
we
will
always
reach
agreement.
• It
fills
our
emoKonal
love
tank.
• And
then…
Marianne
Sourial
2011

7. What happened after the
wedding? !
• ou get married!
Y
• We descend from the clouds and
find that hairs are always in sink and
the toilet roll is always the wrong
way. The lid is always up. Shoes do
not walk to the closest and drawers
do not close themselves. Socks go
missing in the wash.
• t is Ground Zero!
I
Marianne
Sourial
2011

8. What happened after the
wedding? !
• The
fact
is,
we
could
not
remain
obsessed
with
each
other
for
long!
• Psychologists
now
call
these
early
years
‘limerence’-­‐
not
love
(Peck,
Tennov).
According
to
science
this
stage
in
a
relaKonship
lasts
about
two
years.
• So
you
wake
up
from
this
two
year
utopia,
and
realise
you
and
your
partner
are
sKll
two
individuals
who
have
not
melted
together.
Marianne
Sourial
2011

9. What are the options?!
A. We
are
desKned
to
a
life
of
misery
with
our
partners.
B.
We
jump
ship
and
try
again.
C.
We
can
recognise
the
in-­‐love
experience
for
what
it
is-­‐
temporary
and
now
pursue
“real
love”
with
our
partners.
(Disclaimer:
OpKon
3
involves
an
intenKonal
act
of
will,
requires
discipline
and
personal
growth.)
Marianne
Sourial
2011

10. “Real love”"!
• An
intenKonal
choice
and
adtude
to
fill
your
partner’s
emoKonal
love
tank.
• “I
am
married
to
you
and
I
choose
to
look
out
for
your
interests.
I
choose
to
love
you,
because
you
are
worthy
of
my
love.”
Marianne
Sourial
2011

11. Enter the Five Love Languages!
• Words
of
AffirmaKon
• Quality
Time
• Gig
giving
• Acts
of
Service
• Physical
Touch
Marianne
Sourial
2011

12. What is your primary love
language?!
• Back
to
your
quiz!
• Q1-­‐7:
Words
of
AffirmaKon
• Q8-­‐14:
Gig
Giving
• Q15-­‐21:
Quality
Time
• Q22-­‐28:
Acts
of
Service
• Q29-­‐35:
Physical
Touch
• Swap
with
your
partner
:
what
is
their
primary
love
language?
Other
ways
to
know:
• Recall
the
most
painful
Kmes
in
your
relaKonship,
what
were
they
about?
• What
have
you
most
requested
from
your
spouse?
• In
what
ways
do
you
regularly
express
love
to
your
spouse?
Marianne
Sourial
2011

13. 1. Words of Affirmation!
“I
can
live
for
two
months
on
a
good
compliment.”
-­‐Mark
Twain
• Psychologist
William
James
said,
“One
of
the
deepest
human
needs
is
to
feel
appreciated.”
• AcKons:
• Compliments
&
words
of
appreciaKon
• Words
of
encouragement
• Kind
words
• Humble
words
• Not
about
verbal
flaqery
to
get
what
you
want,
but
about
doing
something
for
the
well-­‐being
of
the
one
you
love.
• “Why
is
the
garbage
not
out,
the
flies
will
help
you
take
it
out”
v’s
“I
appreciate
when
you
help
around
the
house,
would
you
mind
taking
the
garbage
out
also?”
ReacKons:
– Creates
inKmacy
– Brings
out
the
full
potenKal
of
your
partner
– Heals
wounds
Marianne
Sourial
2011

14. 2. Quality Time!
• Giving
your
undivided
aqenKon
• Togetherness
• AcKons:
– Quality
conversaKon
(talking
and
listening)
(Holy
Hour)
– Dead
Sea
and
the
Babbling
Brook
– Spend
Kme
together
in
joint
and
meaningful
acKviKes
(Date
Night)
• ReacKons:
– Enjoyment
of
each
other
– InKmacy
through
deeply
sharing
and
knowing
each
other.
Marianne
Sourial
2011

15. 3. Gifts!
• Adtude
of
love
is
always
accompanied
by
gig
giving
in
all
cultures
• AcKons:
– Visual
symbols
of
love
– Purchased
or
made/
Expensive
or
inexpensive
– Gig
of
self:
presence
and
availability
• ReacKons:
– Demonstrates
you
care
– Represents
the
value
of
your
relaKonships
Note
to
Savers
Marianne
Sourial
2011

16. 4. Acts of Service!
• Doing
the
things
your
partner
would
like
you
to
do
• E.g
cooking,
cleaning,
sedng
the
table,
dishes,
mowing
the
lawns,
ironing,
taking
out
the
garbage
• Tasks
take
effort,
Kme
and
energy
and
express
love
• To
be
freely
given,
not
demanded
• ReacKon:
• Sense
of
importance
in
the
other
• Creates
a
sense
of
team
work,
sharing
in
life
together
Marianne
Sourial
2011

17. A note on Stereotypes" !
• earning this love language will require letting go of some
L
stereotypes about what is the female vs the male role.
• ou will need to let go of what your mother or father did while
Y
you were growing up
• here are no rewards in maintaining stereotypes, only pain.
T
• o what is necessary, even if it means changing diapers.
D
Marianne
Sourial
2011

18. 5. Physical Touch!
• Signs
of
communicaKng
love
• TacKle
receptors
send
impulses
to
the
brain,
causing
pleasure
• AcKons:
– Touching
– Kissing
– Holding
each
other
– Sexual
inKmacy
• ReacKons:
– Being
cared
for
– Being
loved
– Security
• A
note
to
men
• “I
didn’t
grow
up
in
a
touchy
family”
• Limited
by
your
imaginaKon!
Marianne
Sourial
2011

19. So you have different languages?!
• His
primary
love
language
is
Acts
of
Service,
so
he
works
hard
to
support
the
family,
keeps
the
house
and
car
in
good
repair,
mows
the
lawn,
and
takes
out
the
garbage.
His
wife
thinks
he
doesn’t
love
her
because
he
never
brings
her
flowers
(Gigs)
or
tells
her
he
loves
her
(Words
of
AffirmaKon).
He
feels
unloved
because
her
verbal
praise
and
gigs
are
meaningless
to
him;
he
wants
her
to
do
things
for
him
the
way
he
does
things
for
her.
• Recognise
they
have
different
love
languages.
• He
must
realise
she
does
not
need
Acts
of
Service,
but
Gigs
&
Words
of
AffirmaKon
to
convince
her
she
is
loved.
• She
must
realise
he
needs
Acts
of
Service.
• They
both
must
choose
to
provide
evidence
to
their
spouse
of
their
love
through
their
love
language,
not
their
own.
Marianne
Sourial
2011

20. Choice!
• What
if
my
partners
love
language
does
not
come
easily
to
me?
Answer-­‐
So
what!
• I
can
choose
to
meet
the
needs
of
my
spouse
and
fill
his/her
emoKonal
love
tank.
• True
lasKng
emoKonal
love
is
a
choice.
• If
each
partner
chose
this
for
the
well
being
of
the
other,
would
we
not
have
this
bliss
we
were
ager?
Marianne
Sourial
2011

21. How to become multilingual!
• You
can
learn
to
express
all
types
of
love
languages
• Look
out
for
what
language
others
speak
• Then,
do
it!
• Think
of
the
benefits-­‐
spouse,
parents,
children
and
even
at
work
and
in
your
service.
Marianne
Sourial
2011

22. Christ was a Master" !
• Christ
was
the
master
of
love
languages.
• He
did:
• Physical
touch-­‐
think
of
the
healing
of
the
leper.
• Gigs-­‐
He
gave
us
treasures
on
earth
and
heaven.
He
gave
us
the
Holy
Spirit.
• Acts
of
Service-­‐
He
fed
the
mulKtudes
and
washed
the
feet
of
His
disciples
• Quality
Kme-­‐
His
Holy
Spirit
present
with
us.
• Words
of
AffirmaKon-­‐His
Word
Marianne
Sourial
2011

23. Some homework…!
• Tank
Check
Game
• “On
a
scale
of
0-­‐10,
with
zero
being
empty
and
10
being
“I
am
so
full,
I
need
no
more
love.”
• “What
can
I
do
to
help
fill
it?
• Swap
over
• Then
do
it!
• PrescripKon,
play
twice
a
week
unKl
our
next
meeKng.
Marianne
Sourial
2011

24. THANK YOU!
Marianne
Sourial
2011