2. Two Aspects of Communication that are very
important in conflict resolution or management …
Ability to understand (not
necessarily to agree with)
the viewpoints or positions
of the other party
Ability to effectively
express & assert oneself
- needs, viewpoints
- feelings, feedback
- proposed solution
3. COMMON BLOCKS TO
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
preoccupation
emotional block
hostility
charisma of the speaker
hidden agenda
simple inarticulateness
culturally-determined verbal patterns
physical environment
defensiveness
status
4. Assertiveness
the ability to clearly
communicate one’s opinions,
needs, wants, interests,
feelings, etc. to another in a
non-defensive and non-
threatening way
5. Parts of an Assertion Message
Description of the PROBLEM – specific behavior or
statement(written or verbal), policy, etc. that is the
subject of the discussion. (Validate with the other
party your understanding of the problem).
Description of your ASSESSMENT – i.e. specific
consequences of the behavior or statement;
Description of your FEELINGS and the ROOTS OF
YOUR FEELINGS in relation to or arising out of the
described problem;
Presentation of your PROPOSAL(S) on how to
resolve or manage the problem.
6. Components of
Non-violent communication
1.Separate observation from evaluation
Mixed Observation and
Evaluation
Observation separate from
Evaluation
Celso is a poor basketball
player.
Celso has not scored a goal
in 10 games. Because of this,
the coach is thinking of
looking for a replacement.
Mario procrastinates. Mario only studied for exams
the night before. Because of
this, he got very low grades
in the exams.
7. Components of
Non-violent communication
2. Express your feeling about your
observation; separate this feeling from
your assessment of yourself and of
others.
X I feel inadequate as a guitar player.
/ I feel frustrated about myself as a guitar player.
X I feel ignored.
/ I feel hurt when I thought you ignored me during
our meeting last Tuesday.
8. Components of
Non-violent communication
3. Acknowledge the roots of your feelings, which are
your own needs (e.g. I feel… because I need…)
X “It really infuriates me when spelling mistakes
appear in our public brochures. That bugs me a
lot.”
/ “I feel really infuriated when spelling mistakes
like that appear in our public brochures because I
want our company to project a professional image.”
X “I feel angry because the supervisor broke her
promise.”
/ “I feel angry that the supervisor broke her
promise because I was counting on getting that
long weekend to visit my brother.”
9. Components of
Non-violent communication
4. Give proposals in a non-threatening and
non-demanding way:
* Be conscious of our proposals and on how we,
verbally and non-verbally, say it;
* Use “I messages” in giving proposals.
* Actively listen to the reaction of the other party
to our proposal, and if necessary probe on their
thoughts and feelings.
10. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
ACTIVE LISTENING
is the CAPABILITY of one person to
DEMONSTRATE and PROVE his/her
UNDERSTANDING of the SUBSTANTIVE and
EMOTIONAL messages of the speaker
Why Active listening?
• helps build/maintain rapport and trust
• helps gather data
• help check perceptions and filters
• helps the speaker clarify and develop his/her ideas
11. HOW?
• use conducive listening posture
• appropriate eye contact
• paraphrase or repeat in your own words the messages of the
speaker
• reflect the speaker’s core feeling
• ask clarifying question
• give statements of understanding
• ask or welcome clarifications and correction
• summarize the speaker’s core messages
ACTIVE LISTENING
Avoid!
•confuse listening with agreeing
•mix listening with evaluating
•assume responsibility for what is being represented
12. • “So you think …”
• “You feel _____ because _____”
• “It sounds like … “
• “Let me see if I understand. As you see it… “
• Then the issue is …”
• “From your point of view …“
ACTIVE LISTENING
Examples of statements to demonstrate understanding
“Did I get you right?”
• To check the correctness of your understanding after
saying how you understood the message of the speaker
13. Probes are STATEMENTS or QUESTIONS
designed to ELICIT RELEVANT DATA from another
person
WHY PROBE?
• get more information/data
• clarify other person’s feelings
• clarify other person’s thinking
• test assumptions
14. HOW ?
• ask open ended questions
(i.e. what, why, how, where, when, who)
• ask one question at a time
• give time to answer
• reinforce answers verbally and/or with body language
Avoid!
• confuse probes with leading question
probing question: What have you done to solve your problems?
leading question: What have you done to win her back?
• long silences
