This document discusses what it means to be a man from various perspectives. It begins by listing stereotypical behaviors expected of men like joining clubs, drinking beer, and having sex. However, it questions if focusing too much on these things leads to problems in society. The document then examines the social pressures and expectations placed on men and how this impacts their identity, relationships, and sense of purpose. It suggests men would benefit from deeper self-reflection on their values and place in the world to develop empathy, compassion, and contribute positively to their communities.

1. +
On being a Man

2. +
A real Man ??
 Join a club
 Play a sport
 Drink beer
 Dress right
 Own a car that‟s cool
 Be tough
 Have sex

3. +
Newsweek quotation
 “Perhaps the time has come for a new agenda. Woman are not
the problem- the world is not overburdened by empathy or
altruism or nurturance! The problem is men or maleness. When
they busy doing what they think they should, the outcome is
fast cars & accidents, shootings, overdrinking and fighting.And
violence against women…..”

4. +
How does
it feel to be
a man?
“too detached to care?”
“too rational, too lost, too
insensitive or too power-
mad?”

5. Every serious thinker must ask 3
+
questions of themselves.
Paul Tillich- philosopher & theologian
 What is wrong with us and society? Or what is the nature of our
alienation?
 What would it be like if we were whole?
 What are the means of healing?

6. +
Howard Thurman, a mystic
Men must ask 2 questions as they become adults
 “Where am I going?”
 “Who will go with me?”
 AND if you get these in the wrong order you are in trouble….

7. +
Whatever appears to be true on the
surface is linked to an opposite truth
beneath the surface
 “I don‟t depend on women!”
 Men often spend a lifetime denying, defending
against, trying to control or reacting to the power of
women.

8. +
Woman as creatrix
 She gives birth to meaning from her body!
 A man simulates creation.

9. +
Woman as nurturer
 Atthe breast men learn desire, satisfaction,
disappointment, anger, fear and judgment. Pre-
language learning.
 Mother can be omnipotent and powerful to a boy.
Will he surrender to her, please her or will he banish
her?
 Mother is like the veil of Maya that falls over a man
everytime he gets close to a woman.

10. +
Woman as erotic spiritual force.
 Her sexuality inspires a man to act. Shakti is female power but it is
active power that flows through man as well.
 She tempted me……men need to stop reacting to woman and
recognise the beauty and power of the feminine.

11. +
Traditional Initiations into manhood.
 Separations & a painful ordeal…. Man as warrior! Being
severed from the world of mother.
 The breaking of a childish identity. Learning the male culture.
Learning what the role of man is.
 Only after initiation can a man assume adult responsibilities
and priviledges.

12. +
Modern myths and modern man
 The shift has been from the clan to the corporation.
 Progress, urbanisation, technological innovation is seen as the
way of the world.
 What story has modern man been living and what is his myth?
Asks Sam Keen.

13. +
War & the Warrior
 I conquer therefore I am.
 The army will make a man out of you.
 War is patriotic
 Men develop „character armour‟. A pattern of muscular tension
always ready for the fight. -Wiliam Reich.
 The A Type personality: extroverted, hard-driving, iron willed,
time urgent and hostile.
 Black and white thinking, repression of fear, obsession with
rank, adventire, danger, survival ego.

14. +
The Working Man
Q: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
A: this must be a job, a profession, an occupation
You are what you DO!
Schools prepare boys and girls to work in office buildings.
Its about winning and losing, passing or failing.
Making money allows a man to participate as an adult.

15. + “It‟s the cost of the toys that
separates the men from the
boys”
Buying is status

16. + How much of your soul will man
trade for power, profit and
prestige?
Dr Faust

17. +
Work becomes the very juice
of life.
It offers achievement, the ability to
provide and the chance to contribute.
Yet in working too hard a man can
betray and abandon the best of his life.

18. +
Working man
The world of work is not just to make a living. Work
provides the meaning of a man‟s life
 Work, community and family are now all mixed up
 “Men abandoned the power to define happiness for
themselves, and having done this they do not attempt to regain
it!” Earl Shorris.
 The culture has become outward directed. Men develop “ a
marketing orientation” towards themselves. Erich Fromm
 Abstracted, specialised, indoors, timeous, a suit, desensitised
 Lost the world of dreams, sensations, the wilds & intuition

19. +
The Sexy Man
All about getting lid and keeping score
 Prove your potency!
 When you „make love‟ you must preform
 You will earn love by working hard and taking care of women
 Men often imagine that there only job is to work hard to provide
for women. He is sold the idea that he can sculpt paradise by
doing this. No wonder resentment sets in!

20. +
Only though sex do men allow
themselves to feel close.
 Intimacy is experienced indirectly
 Men seek the proof of their masculinity through sex
 Yet sex cannot bring identity to a man.
 Men often blame women for their lack of fulfillment
 Male sexual conditioning is that sex does not equal
love

21. +
The new radical man?
The growing earth and not the economy is the horizon
within which man can find his virtue.
 Gentle and earthy
 Responding to the challenges of our age.
 Not a new age man only concerned about self growth
 Rather a man of passion, a drive to survive and to enrich
history.
 A man needs to care for what matters.

22. If a man stays stuck in a
corporation or only focused on
+ his pleasures & high
consumption he will abdicate
responsibility.
We need fierce gentlemen- Sam Keen

23. We need questers, questioners,
+ innovators, conscious human
beings who will stand up for their
ideals of a fair society
We need men who will contribute to the needs
of the earth & who will show compassion to
those who are more needy than himself.

24. Maybe a soulful journey is
+
necessary
Maybe a boy needs to discover how to be a pilgrim in
order to find himself.
 What do I really want?
 Why do I feel the way I do?
 Whom and what will I love?
 Where is my place?
 How do I try and get approval?
 For what should I sacrifice my time & energy?
 How can I contribute to my clan & the earth?

25. +
Boys need morals not judgement
Stop judging them good or bad
 You should…..you should not have
 I didn‟t raise you to behave like this…
 You disappointment me
 You deserve to be punished
 You‟ll never measure up
 You underachieve and never live your potential

26. +
Shame & guilt
 Individualism has produced  Living your life to please
many great but isolated men! another choice for you
 Single selves but only ever  Needing parents approval
existing and living when in
community  Just believing the status Quo

27. +
Self
acceptance
Balancing the vulnerable
with strength
Claiming all the emotions of
humanness

28. Fall back in love with that which the
+
boy loved instinctively
Pause to wonder at the world around you
 “We die on the day our lives cease to be illumined by the
steady radiance of a wonder, the source of which is beyond all
reason” -Dag Hammarskjold
 We live in a mystery which is both terrifying and fascinating.
 Any definition we make about who we are or who our son is will
be too limiting.
 A good man is empathetic- he leaves „one-up manship‟ behind

29. +
The heartful man
When there‟s a storm its safer in the open sea!
 Listening to the rhythmn of your own life
 Not my will but Thine
 men are not so good about linking up their minds & hearts and
deeply experiencing the longings of their lives.
 What‟s worthwhile doing??
 Solitude & loneliness are necessary

30. +
The virtues of good men
 Empathy
 Heartfelt mind
 Moral outrage
 Right Livelihood
 Enjoyment
 Friendship
 Communion
 Husbanding
 Wildness

31. “Man did not weave the web of
Life, he is merely a strand in it.
+
Whatever he does to the web he
does to himself.”
Chief Seattle

32. “Now it is only in the wild places
that a man can sense the rarity
+
of being a man. In the crowded
places he is ordinary.”
Wendell Berry