Marin Horizon Two Day

I Learned Who I Was When…
Schools with Identity Development in Mind
Marin Horizon School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

About Seattle Girls’ School

Agenda
 Identity Development
 Exercise: Up-Downs
 Break
 Theory: Models of Identity Development,
Schools, and Social Interactions
 Exercise: Case Studies

Identity Development
 What is it?
 What are the
various dimensions
of identity?
 Why identity
development?

Dimensions of Identity and Culture
This model of identifiers and culture was created by Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman for NAIS Summer Diversity Institute,
adapted from Loden and Rosener’s Workforce America! (1991) and from Diverse Teams at Work, Gardenswartz & Rowe (SHRM 2003).

Exercise: Up-Downs
• Stand proudly for your group
• Stand for as many groups
within one category
as applies to you
• If you are not standing,
cheer and applaud
the people who are
National Coalition Building Institute, Seattle Chapter, “Building Bridges Workshop,” Adapted by Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee

Debrief: Up-Downs
How did it feel to
stand and claim your
identities and
experiences? To be
applauded for them?
To applaud others for
their identities and
their experiences?

Break

Identity Development:
Marginalized Identities
 Innocence and Self Esteem
 Encounter and Self Doubt
 Assimilation to the Majority
 Immersion into Identity
 Emersion
 Integration

Identity Development:
Privilged Identities
 Innocence and Self Esteem
 Encounter and Confusion
 Attempt to Reintegrate
 Re-Encounter and Guilt
 Acceptance and Action
 Immersion and Emersion
 Integration

Identity and Cultural Inclusion
 Identity Frames
 Intractability
 Positive and Negative Encounters
 Identity Socialization
 Co-Authorship of Identity

R.T. Carter’s Model:
Racial Identity and
Social Interactions
 Parallel
 Regressive
 Crossed
 Progressive
 Symbiotic

Effect of Varying Identifications

Orientations Toward Ethnic Identity

Stretching the Inclusive Boundaries:
Cultural Competency Skills

Agenda
 Cultural Competency
 Communication Skills
 Focus on the Classroom
 Focus on the School Level
 Questions and Answers

Cultural Competency
Cultural competence is a set of
congruent behaviors, attitudes and
policies that come together in a
system, institution or individual and
enable that system, institution or
individual to work effectively in cross-cultural
situations.
Terry Cross

Cultural Competency: Key Elements
Value Orientation
Diversity as Value Added
Respect
Relationships
Equity
Thought Orientation
Knowledge
Awareness
Systems Thinking
Action Orientation
Consciousness Building
Capacity Building
Assessment
Adaptation

Cross Cultural Communication
 What is it?
 How is it Different from Intercultural
Communication?
 CCC Theories
– Face-Negotiation Theory
– Conversational Constraints Theory
– Expectancy Violation Theory
– Anxiety/Uncertainty Management Theory
– Communication Accommodation Theory

Dimensions of Variability
Individual - Collectivistic
Low Context - High Context
Task - Relationship
Low Uncertainty - High Uncertainty
Vertical - Horizontal

Factors that Influence
 Personality Orientation
 Individual Values
- Allocentric
- Idiocentric
 Self Construal
- Independent
- Interdependent
 Individual Socialization
 Cultural Norms and Rules

Discussion: My Style
In hearing about
communication
differences, what would
you describe as your
cultural communication
style? Have you noticed
stark differences
compared to others?

Cultural Values
Norms, and Rules
 Values
 Value Priorities
 Norms of Behavior
 Non-Verbal
Communication

Cultural Value Differences
RELATIONAL
Individualism
self-reliance, independence
(selfish)
Collectivism
group interdependence
(mindless follower)
Informality
directness, give and take discussion
(rude and abrupt)
Formality
indirectness, protect "face"
(stiff and impersonal)
Competition
individual achievement
(egotistical, show-off)
Cooperation
group achievement
(avoiding doing work or taking responsibility)
AUTHORITY
Egalitarianism
fairness, belief in equal opportunity
(being picky, on a soapbox)
Hierarchy
privilege of status or rank
(power hungry or avoiding accountability)
TEMPORAL
Use of Time
"Time is money"
(doesn’t get the important things in life)
Passage of Time
"Time is for life"
(lazy and irresponsible)
Change/Future
Adaptability ensures survival
(muckraker, stirs up trouble)
Tradition/Past
Stability ensures survival
(old-school, afraid of change)
ACTIVITY
Action orientation
"Make things happen"
(rushes without thinking)
"Being" orientation
"Let things happen"
(indecisive and slow)
Practicality
Efficiency is always best
(impersonal and unscrupulous)
Idealism
Always maintain principles
(naïve and impractical)

Exercise: Non-Verbal Violations
1: Please pick a partner and stand.
2: You and your partner will receive
different instructions for nonverbal
behaviors. Do not share the
information.
3: Begin to converse about your interests
and hobbies.
4: INCREMENTALLY dramatize the
nonverbal behavior.
5: Make note of thoughts or feelings you
experience.

Non-Verbal Violations: Partner 1
You signal respect by standing
physically close to your partner. Stand
Approximately 6 inches away from
him/her. You enjoy asking a lot of
questions to signal conversational
excitement and involvement. You also
like to touch your partner's arm from
time-to-time to signal approval for a
good idea.

Non-Verbal Violations: Partner 2
You signal respect by standing at
least an arm's length away from your
partner. You constantly check your
watch or the clock for fear of running
out of time in the conversation. You
also like to make loud sounds (ahs,
oohs, uh-huhs, sighs, etc.) to signal
your approval and great contentment
of the conversation.

Debrief: Nonverbal Violations
Did the INTENT of your described
behaviors allow you to display
them more enthusiastically?
What was the IMPACT of the
behaviors of your partner?
Did knowing that “odd” behaviors
may be part of the exercise
help you accept your partner’s
behavior?
In working with people from
various communities, what do
you take away from this
exercise?

Identifiers, Power,
and Communication
Internalized Oppression/Dominance
Stereotype Threat
Accumulated Impact/
Microaggressions
Code/Mode Switching
Fish Seeing the Water
“Normal” versus “Good”
“Intent” versus “Impact”

Discussion: Conflict Re-understood
Think about a recent conflict which you
now know to be true to be at heart a n
identity and power difference. Using
some of the terminology introduced,
discuss with a partner or group of three
what was going on to cause the conflict.

So What? Now What?

Examining the Self
 William Taylor’s Reflective Competence Model

Checking Assumptions and
Interpretations: Steps to Analyze
1. What did you see/hear (raw data)?
2. What are your personal filters (cultural
values, norms, and identifiers)?
3. What was your interpretation of what you
saw/heard (inference)?
4. How did you feel as a result?
5. What do you want?

1. How do you see materials
from this workshop applying
to your roles?
2. What questions do you still
have?
3. What are your personal action
steps?
Discussion:
How Will I Apply All This?

Stretching the Inclusive Boundaries:
Cultural Competency Skills
DAY 2 – THE RETURN…

Recap and Revisit of Day 1
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

Case Study:
Identity and Schools
Please read the assigned case
study, discuss what may be going
on, and how you might react as
individuals or as a school.

Navigating the “Ouch” Moment:
When You Receive It, See It, or Do It

Agenda
 Courageous Conversations
 When Receiving the Ouch
 When Witnessing the Ouch
 When Receiving the Interruption
 Engaging Authentically

Courageous Conversations
in Our Schools and Lives

Debunking Some Myths
 All or None
 Mistakes and Moral Worth
 Apologies
 “Tonsils” Theory
 Vulnerability

Speaking From the Heart

What We’re Thinking and Feeling
When Receiving the Ouch
Did that really
happen? Do they
realize? I want to
trust, but I’ve had
this happen so
many times before.
I am so stressed,
confused, hurt….

What We End Up Saying
When Receiving the Ouch
That was so
offensive!
I can’t believe
you did that!

Self Advocacy Through the Ouch Moment
 Affirm the person or relationship
 Describe the behavior without judgment
 Explain the emotion/impact and your filters
 Assume positive intent
 Request or suggest different behavior
*** Key Points: timing, I statements, actions not
adjectives, inside feelings not outside feelings***

Self Advocacy Through the Ouch Moment:
An Example
Is this an okay time to talk to you about something
that happened earlier? I really appreciate having
you as a friend. You’ve helped me through tough
times, and we have so much fun together. Earlier
today, when I got my math test back and I got 98%,
I heard you say, “Well of course you got a 98% -
you’re Asian!” I was really hurt when I heard that.
I work so hard in all my classes and spend a lot of
effort to earn good grades, and it seems like so
many people assume it’s because of my race. It’s
frustrating and saddening to feel like I don’t get to
fully own my accomplishments. I imagine you
didn’t mean for me to feel that way. Can I ask that
you please don’t say things like that anymore?

Practice Round:
Self Advocacy Through the Ouch Moment
 Affirm the person or relationship
 Describe the behavior without judgment
 Explain the emotion/impact and your filters
 Assume positive intent
 Request or suggest different behavior
*** Key Points: timing, I statements, actions not
adjectives, inside feelings not outside feelings***

Being A Witness

What We’re Thinking and Feeling
When Witnessing the Ouch
I can’t believe this
is happening.
That’s SO not
right. Should I
say something?
Am I butting in?
Would it help?
I am so upset!

What We End Up Saying
When Witnessing the Ouch

What Others Hear When We Say Nothing
See? They
agree with me!
I am so right
about this.
No one sees or
understands. I
am alone.

NCBI Effective
Interventions Model
 Reduce Defensiveness
– Tone
– Body Language
– Respect
 Keep the Conversation Going
– Hear Them Out
– Ask Open-Ended Questions
– Set Aside Your Feeling for the Moment
– Dialogue
 Build the Relationship
 Stop the Behavior
 Win an Ally

Say Something to Somebody
 Now or Later (or Say It Now About a Later)
 Target, Agent, Fellow Bystanders, Authority Figures
“In the End, we will remember not the words of
our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Intervening in the Ouch Moment: Examples
 Seek pleasure and delight in the other person
– “How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
– “I’m SO glad you told me that joke. I’ve been trying to figure out why we think people
with yellow hair are stupid.”
 Find out the experience motivating the comment
– “Why can’t they just speak English around here?”
– “It must be hard not to understand what people are saying around you.”
– “I’m sick of my tuition paying for scholarship students.”
– “Tell me more about that.”
 Use exaggerated humor to highlight what’s going on
(use sparingly)
– “That movie is so gay.”
– “That movie is attracted to other movies? I didn’t know that was possible!”
 Join the person and do not make yourself superior
– “She got that award because she’s black and female.”
– “You know, I hear that a lot. I’ve been trying to figure out why we seem to think when a
black woman gets recognized it must be because of ‘diversity’ stuff rather than that she
earned it.”

Practice Round:
Intervening in the Ouch Moment
 Seek pleasure and delight in the other person
 Find out the experience motivating the comment
 Use exaggerated humor to highlight what’s going
on (use sparingly)
 Join the person and do not make yourself superior
***Ask open ended questions***

Listening to the Real Message

What Was Said During the Intervention
Those words or
actions are
hurtful to me.
Please stop.

What We Hear During the Intervention
You are a
bad, bad
person, and I
hate you!

What We Should Hear
During the Intervention
You are basically a good
and decent person. As
with all of us, you’ve
made a mistake in
behavior or words, and
you may not know the
impact they have on
others. I am going to
give you the gift of
information so that you
might act in congruence
with your values.

When You’re Told About
the Ouch Moment You Created
 Listen with full attention
 Don’t try to defend or respond right away
– Take deep breaths
– Acknowledge your feelings
 Your mistakes don’t define you
– Be worthy of their trust and gift
 Prioritize the Impact over Intent
– Apologize for real
*** Moving through these moments with grace is
called shame resilience. It’s a vital skill***

the Ouch Moment You Created:
Examples
 “I really appreciate your telling me this.”
 “I’m so embarrassed that I did that.”
 “I’m so sorry my words and actions made you feel
that way. No matter what I intended, it hurt you.”
 “I’m pretty overwhelmed right now, and I don’t
want to respond in a way I’d regret. Do you think
you can help me come up with a better way to
handle that situation after I get into a calmer
place?”
 “I wanted to go back to a moment I don’t think I
handled very well… Can we talk?”

Practice Round:
the Ouch Moment You Created
 Listen with full attention
 Don’t try to defend or respond right away
– Take deep breaths
– Acknowledge your feelings
 Your mistakes don’t define you
– Be worthy of their trust and gift
 Prioritize the Impact over Intent
– Apologize for real

Final Words of Advice:
Recognize Your Triggers

Find Your Bucket People

Practice Makes
Less Heart-Attack-Inducing

If You Messed Up and You Know It,
Don’t Wait for the Intervention –
Just Apologize

If You’re Really Sorry,
Work to Improve

Build Authentic Relationships

Focus on the Classroom
- Increasing Trust
- Distinguishing
Behaviors
- Overcoming History
and Impact

Do You See Me?
- Representation on the
Walls
- Representation in the
Curriculum
- Interest in Personal
Story (Sharing of
Personal Story)
- Interactions In and Out
of the Classroom
- Demonstration of Care

Do You Hear Me?
- - Incorporation of Prior
Knowledge and Experience
- - Seeking and Responding
to Student Feedback
- - Student Choice in the
Curriculum
- - Empathy Reflex
- - Authoritative Discipline

Will You Treat Me Fairly?
- Clear and High
Expectations
- Equal Discipline and
Rewards
- Support in Struggle and
Push in Success
- Consistent and
Predictable Assessment
- Different Kinds of
Success

Will You Protect Me?
- Understanding of
Identity and Experience
- Interruption of Exclusive
or Oppressive Behavior
- Teaching and
Discussing Cultural and
Power Difference
- Encouragement of and
Practice with
Collaboration

Discussion
What are some ways we
practice inclusion in the
classroom and school
environment well? What
are some ways we can
do a better job?

You Win Some, You Lose Some

Developmentally Appropriate
Diversity Work

Younger Children
 Exposure Base
 Allowing Questions
 Gentle Guidance
 Modeling Comfort With Discussions
 Expanding Definition of What’s Possible
 Fairness, Kindness, and Rightness

Examples
 The Black Santa Story
 The Jackie Robinson Story
 What Makes a Family?
 Alternate Fairy Tales
 Dress-Up Corner
 Guest Speakers That Defy Stereotypes

Older Children
 Experiential And Discovery Base
 Facilitating Questions and Discussions
 Media Literacy
 Patterns and Systems
 Values and Actions
 Autonomy and Choice
 Justice and Activism

Examples
 Class Mottoes
 Products of Puberty
 Barbie Math
 Nacirema
 What’s So Funny?
 Video Documentary Project
 Pay It Forward

Integrated or Stand Alone?

Both-And: Examples
Stand-Alone Opportunities
– Class Norms and Rules
– Getting to Know You
– Class Dynamics
– Identity Development
Integrated Opportunities
– Literature
– History
– Math
– Science
– Art
– PE
– And More!

Parents: Partners or Foes?

What Parents Fear and
What We Can Do About It
 “I didn’t know about this stuff…”
 “I don’t have any language around this…”
 “I want to protect their innocence…”
 “Are you teaching my kids values?”
 Heads Up Communication
 Resources and Language
 Clear Reiteration of Mission and Values
 Research and Your Expertise
 Explicit Communication of Parents’ Roles

Inclusive Communities

Presenter Information
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee

Final Questions or Comments?

Resources
• Anti-Defamation League
• Brené Brown
• Cross Cultural Connections
(www.CulturesConnecting.com)
• National Coalition Building Institute
• The People’s Institute
• Stirfry Seminars
• Teaching Tolerance
• The Thiagi Group

Presenter
Information
Outreach Specialist
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@sgs-wa.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee

Identity Resources
• Carlos H. Arce, “A Reconsideration of Chicano Culture
and Identity”
• Atkinson, Morten, & Sue, “Racial/Cultural Identity
Development Model (R/CID)”
• Mindy Bingham and Sandy Stryker, “Socioemotional
Development for Girls”
• Vivienne Cass, “Homosexual identity formation: Testing
a theoretical model”
• William Cross, Shades of Black: Diversity in African
American Identity”
• Anthony D’Augelli, “ Identity development and sexual
orientation: Toward a model of lesbian, gay, and
bisexual development”

Identity Resources
• Erik Erikson, “Eight Stages of Man”
• J. E. Helms, Various Publications on Racial and Ethnic
Identity Development
• Jean Kim, “Processes of Asian American Identity
Development”
• James Maricia, “Four Ego and Identity Statuses”
• Suzanne Kobasa Ouellette, “The Three C’s of
Hardiness”
• Jean S. Phinney, “Ethnic Identity in Adolescents and
Adults: Review of the Research”
• Ponterotto & Pederso, Preventing Prejudice
• Maria P. P. Root, Various Works on Multiracial Identity

Identity Resources
• Patricia Romney, Karlene Ferron, and Jennifer Hill,
“Measuring the Success of Diversity Directors in
Independent Schools”
• Pedro Ruiz, “Latino/a Identity Development Model”
• Chalmer E. Thompson and Robert T. Carter, Racial
Identity Theory
• Alex Wilson, “How We Find Ourselves: Identity
Development and Two Spirit People”
• Christine J. Yeh, “The Collectivistic Nature of Identity
Development Among Asian-American College
Students”

Resources
 Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement &
Narrowing the Gap,” Learning and the Brain
Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003
 Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference.
 Miss Representation, documentary film on media and
women
 United Nations Population Fund Statistics on Gender
Equality as of 2005
http://www.unfpa.org/swp/2005/presskit/factsheets/facts
_gender.htm
 Learning to be critically literate of mass media
http://www.medialit.org/
 Media Guide for Parents and Educators
http://www.commonsensemedia.org/

Gender Specific Resources
 Jennifer Bryan, various trainings and publications on gender
and sexuality diversity, From the Dress Up Corner to the
Senior Prom
 JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and
Courageous Daughters, How Girls Thrive
 Jackson Katz, Tough Guise, Wrestling with Manhood, The
Macho Paradox
 John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on
early gender differences in competition and play
 Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of
Adolescent Girls
 Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out, Odd Girl Speaks Out, Curse
of the Good Girl
 Michael Thompson, Raising Cain, Speaking of Boys, It’s a
Boy!

Communication Resources
• “Stereotype Threat” by Joshua Aronson
• Brenda J. Allen, Difference Matters: Communicating
Social Identity
• William Gudykunst, Cross-Cultural and Intercultural
Comunication
• Milton Bennett, PhD, Intercultural Communication
Institute www.intercultural.org
• “Non-Verbal Communication Across Cultures” by Erica
Hagen, Intercultural Communication Resources
• Thiagi.com
• Thrive! Team Dynamics
• http://www.analytictech.com/mb021/action_science_
history.htm

Miscellaneous Resources
• Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman, “Privilege and
Power,” Summer Diversity Institute, National Association
of Independent Schools, 2009
• Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, Nurture Shock
• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education
Network) www.glsen.org
• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference
• Johnnie McKinley, “Leveling the Playing Field and Raising
African American Students’ Achievement in Twenty-nine
Urban Classrooms,” New Horizons for Learning,
http://www.newhorizons.org/strategies/differentiated/
mckinley.htm
Michael J Nakkula and Eric Toshalis, Understanding Youth.

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