GoTo Assist - Talking to Crazy - What makes people tick and how to avoid ticking them off

Dr. Mark Goulston
contact: info@markgoulston.com
www.markgoulston.com
Mark Goulston, M.D., Inc.
Talking to Crazy
What makes people tick and how
to avoid ticking them off

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James Hilliard
Hilly Productions
Moderator

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@GoToAssist
@markgoulston
@hillyprods
Follow us

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Mark Goulston
President
Presenter
www.markgoulston.com contact: info@markgoulston.com

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What causes burnout more?
1. Too much work to do
2. Difficult people

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What you’ll learn from this webinar
1. Why irrational people get to you
2. Why they behave the way they do
3. How to deal with irrational people
PLUS, Start feeding us your most challenging
interpersonal challenges during the webinar and
you’ll get tools and specific tactics you can use
today in the Q & A and in our follow up

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Burnout - Wikipedia
Burnout is a type of psychological
stress. Occupational burnout or job
burnout is characterized by exhaustion,
lack of enthusiasm, and motivation,
feelings of ineffectiveness, and also may
have the dimension of frustration or
cynicism, and as a result reduce efficacy
within the workplace.

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Are You Burned Out?
Circle the Items that apply to you
1. I find myself less eager to go back to work or to resume my chores after a weekend.
2. I feel less and less patient and/or sympathetic listening to other people's problems.
3. I try to get away from people as soon as I can.
4. My dedication to work, exercise, diet, and friendships is waning.
5. I am falling further behind in many of the responsibilities in my life.
6. I am losing my sense of humor.
7. I find it more and more difficult to see people socially.
8. I feel tired most of the time.
9. I don't seem to have much fun anymore.
10. I feel trapped.
Now, add up the number of items you circled, and check your score below:
1 to 3: More exhausted than stressed out
4 to 6: Beginning to stress out
7 to 8: Probably stressed out
9 to 10: Probably burned out

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1. Why (and how) irrational people get to you

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So why and how do irrational people get to you?

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2. Why irrational people behave the way they do
1.To get out of doing something
2.To get you do something you might not want to do
3. To take advantage of you
4.To prevent you from catching onto something
they’re hiding

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The Sanity Cycle

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Tools and Tactics
Ready, Aim… (Let Them) Fire
1. Identify irrational/difficult people
ahead of time
2. Never expect them not to act
irrationally
3. Hold some of yourself back so you’re
never blindsided

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9 Common MO’s of Irrational People
THE NINE MOST COMMON M.O.’S OF IRRATIONAL PEOPLE,
AND YOUR TYPICAL RESPONSES TO THEM
IRRATIONAL PERSON’S M.O. YOUR REACTION
EMOTIONAL
Emotional people believe that they need to vent or
they’ll explode. So they cry, scream, and slam
doors. They tend to overpower you because they’re
willing to escalate a situation to a point that’s
unbearable for a sane person.
You may try to mollify these people by giving in to
them so you can stop the unending emotional
upheaval—or you may become so tired of it all that
you just try to escape from them.
LOGICAL/PRACTICAL
These people think they’re in control only when
they stick to the facts. As a result, they become
terse, cold, and condescending. They tune out
anything that seems illogical, and nearly always
view displays of emotion as “acting crazy.”
You may start feeling and acting more emotional
and angry in response to these people’s dry and
logical statements and the way they cut you off
with icy logic.They also have a way of causing you
to feel ashamed of even having feelings.
MANIPULATIVE/NEEDY
These people believe that to be in control, they
need something from you that they can’t supply for
themselves. So they whine, wheedle, and make
excuses. If you suggest ways that they can help
themselves, they’ll say, “Yes, but...” If you don’t give
them what they want, often they will try to control
you by making you feel guilty.
When these people are unrelenting, you may
transition from feeling guilty and frustrated to
feeling annoyed, put-upon, and ashamed of your
deep desire to say something mean to them. You
may give in to them just to get rid of them— even
though you know they’ll just come back for more.
FEARFUL
Fearful people feel like they’re constantly
surrounded by threats. When triggered, they lash
out wildly like a frightened dog. They also appear
able to be much more comfortable being perched
between fear and panic (because they are there so
often) than you
These people evoke in you a nearly constant need
to reassure them, which eventually gets exhausting
and makes you resent them. If you go the extra
mile to walk them through fearful situations,
you’re likely to find yourself becoming a regular
crutch because they can’t or won’t move a step
without you.

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contn’d - 9 Common MO’s of Irrational People
IRRATIONAL PERSON’S M.O. THEIR BEHAVIOR YOUR REACTION
HOPELESS/WITHDRAWN
Hopeless/withdrawn people feel that the world will
only hurt them, so their M.O. is to hide from it. No
matter how hard you try to convince these people that
they can be happy in the future, they’ll spend enormous
amounts of energy trying to convince you that you’re
wrong and that nothing will work.
These people’s negativity may leave you feeling frustrated,
sad, and a bit hopeless yourself. Trying to help them
increases your chances of becoming part of their downer
cycle as they suck the energy out of you.
MARTYRED
Martyrs make a point of refusing to ask for help, even
when they desperately need it.
These people initially make you feel guilty for not helping,
even though they won’t give you a chance. Over time,
however, their martyr act can make you feel annoyed and
exasperated.
BULLYING
Bullies believe they’re in control only if they’re making
you fearful and submissive. That’s why they actively
attack, threaten, or belittle you. The more afraid they
make you feel, the more powerful they feel.
These people make you feel scared, intimidated, weak, and
powerless—as well as angry. You may strike back, steam
inside, or simply retreat and ruminate about what you
could have done instead.
KNOW-IT-ALL
Know –it-alls like being the only subject matter expert
on any topic, even if they’ve never “been there or done
that.” They will find cracks in any idea you offer, even if
it’s correct. They know that if they can make you feel
stupid, you’ll lose confidence and often back off and
become submissive. So their M.O. is to belittle, mock, or
condescend to you.
These people may make you feel small, insignificant, less
than, not good enough and sometimes ashamed—as well
as resentful.
SOCIOPATHIC
These people (who technically are sane, but often are
irrational in a unique way you’ll read about later) are
hiding secrets. Their M.O. is to terrify you so you won’t
find out what those secrets are (or worse yet, expose
them to the rest of the world).
These people will make you feel afraid and even “creeped
out.”

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Tools and Tactics
“Oh F#@& to OK” Speed Drill
1. Oh F#@& - Reaction Phase
2. Oh Gawd – Release Phase
3. Oh Geez – Recentering Phase
4. Oh Well - Refocusing Phase
5. OK – Reengaging Phase
3. How to Deal with Irrational People

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The Three L’s
1.Lean In
2.Look at the Reality
3.Lead the Person into the Future
Tools and Tactics

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Tools and Tactics
FUDN
1. Frustrated
2. Upset
3. Disappointed
4. Now what?

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Tools and Tactics
Assertive Submission
Bared teeth beget bared teeth,
A bared neck begets vulnerability under the crazyness

Q & A
Mark Goulston
President

How’d we do?
Please fill out the
survey that opens after
you leave the webinar

GoTo Assist - Talking to Crazy - What makes people tick and how to avoid ticking them off

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