Back in 1983, a funny letter about computer programming was published in Datamation. Titled “Real Programmers Don’t Use Pascal”―the letter was a tongue-in-cheek riff on the bestselling book Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche―it extolled the characteristics of real programmers. A great deal has changed since then. This presentation revisits a few of the original letter’s assertions about programming from a DevOps perspective.

1. The Perfect Quiche for Real
DevOps Practitioners

2. Back in 1983, a funny letter about
computer programming was
published in Datamation.
Titled “Real Programmers Don’t Use Pascal”―the
letter was a tongue-in-cheek riff on the bestselling
book Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche―it extolled the
characteristics of real programmers.
Real programmers could code in Assembler on
punch cards, while mere quiche eaters had to use
structured languages like Pascal.

3. A great deal has changed since
then.
Assembler is still around, but punch cards are a
distant memory.
Computer programmers are now called “software
developers” or “engineers”.
And the DevOps movement emphasizes
collaboration and sharing.

4. Let’s revisit a few of the original
letter’s assertions about
programming from a DevOps
perspective.

5. “Application programming is for
dullards who can't do systems
programming.”
Today, apps and the customer experience are
everything, and DevOps is critical for digital
transformation.
Great developers have insight into how their coding
impacts the performance of underlying infrastructure
(and vice versa) and use this to improve
performance.

6. “Real programmers don't comment
their code. If it was hard to write, it
should be even harder to understand
and modify….”
Just because something is easier to support doesn’t
make it any less pure.
On the contrary, in DevOps, supportability is an
essential element of high-quality software.

7. “Real programmers don't write in
COBOL.”
While real DevOps practitioners might not actually
code in COBOL (more likely Go, Javascript, Node,js,
Python), they’re great at unlocking value through
APIs and integrating apps end-to-end.
Enhancing the customer experience trumps scorning
legacy tech.

8. “Real programmers' programs
never work right the first time.”
Unlike the gung-ho programmers of yore, real
DevOps practitioners remove all the constraints that
result in defect-ridden software, as they continuously
code, test and deploy.

9. “Real programmers don't like the
team programming concept.”
DevOps practitioners actually relish working in self-
managing, empowered teams.
And team members can and will include systems
administrators, security specialists, enterprise
architects and QA folks.

10. “At a party, the Real Programmers are
the ones in the corner talking about
operating system security and how to
get around it.”
These days, DevOps practitioners bake security into
all their application quiches, right from requirement
definition and design, all the way through
production.

11. “Real programmers don't write specs.
Users should be grateful for whatever
they get …”
That is a recipe for crippling technical debt.
DevOps professionals accept that digital engagement
requires constant iteration based on user feedback.

12. “Real programmers don't eat quiche.
They like Twinkies, Coke and palate-
scorching Szechwan food.”
Well, some things truly never change.

13. Though this all now seems funny to
us, we shouldn’t see the assertions of
this letter as hilarious idiosyncrasies
from a by-gone era but rather as a
wake-up call, reminding us of how far
we still have to go.
Even though the names, functions and technologies have
all changed, the persistence of parochial practices and
siloed thinking remains a recipe for disaster.

14. To bring your software development
and release practices into the 21st
century, download the book, DevOps
for Digital Leaders
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